Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

Breath of Centuries by ~jovegathering:iconjovegathering:



City workers placing gaurd rails to protect their sons and daughters,
Sidewalks so they may walk and breath.  I walk with words to care for the
Breath of life to read, with sons and daughers of which I am no kin by
Touch of pregnancy, but through the breath of centuries-

Organic compounds spread and lifted from the soils of which we eat,
The rythym in the breath of living; with no judgement creates the progeny,
The light in thought of ease, the lack of fight and companionship
With our mothered nature.  

Not alone am I when I am fulminating growth, thunderous claps into the sky
Cultivating from my throat, the echoes returning by the clouds,
Rainfall soaking into grass, standing in the ruffled strokes of
A deepish pondered past, until the day I fertilize our soil
And seep into our streams, living in time amongst the circles
Of the rythyms and the clocks; this moment I am living
Cannot be mothered by increments, resting in an instant of peace-
Harmony my kin will be, in the words of gaurd rails and sidewalks
For us to make the peaceful taps of each wandered step.
©2005-2009 ~jovegathering
:iconjovegathering:

Author's Comments

thoughts about the harmony within one and of the people

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconookamiinu:
Ah....done beautifully! ^-^

--
Don't Hate and Fear, for They follow you in the shadows, until your death is done!

As time goes by...I will know more...By the time I die...I will feel more...

98% of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy an
:icondariannox:
"A deepish pondered past..." <- Is this meant to be deepish? Just wondering, deepish or deepest is a matter of the artist's license.

I have no crits on this really... you could break it up a touch for rhythm's sake but really it's lovely the way it is. I enjoyed it greatly.
:iconengel08:
sounds a bit like free style alot of words alot of coherence although there are unsighlty amounts of commas.
Each line could possibly be said with a single breath. Exept one.
The deepest one.
Which was broken by the paragraph form.
(strange how electronic galleries limit your capabilities to fully unfold your words)

with sons and daughers of which I am no kin by Touch of pregnancy

It's lovely but long and it was broken not seemingly by your choice but by the borders of this--box.
Perhaps if you broke this poem up a bit more.

with sons and daughers
of which I am no kin by Touch of pregnancy

Even this looks unbalanced though I'd have to see it in edited context.

Other than that it's done well enough. That and it is a open poem.

--
\

Details

July 10, 2005
1.3 KB

Statistics

3
0
53 (0 today)
5 (0 today)

Share

Link
Thumb

Site Map